It’s Okay to Sit on Your Own Lily Pad: Healing Instead of Hopping
In honor of National Frog Jumping Day, let’s talk about something many of us struggle with: the urge to leap from one relationship to the next without ever pausing to rest, reflect, and heal.
If frogs can teach us anything, it’s this: jumping is useful, but so is stillness.
After a breakup, it can feel uncomfortable (even scary) to sit alone on your own “lily pad.” The silence might amplify grief, loneliness, or uncertainty. So instead, many people start quickly looking for the next connection. But healing doesn’t happen in the jump. It happens in the pause.
Why We Keep Hopping
Moving quickly into another relationship can sometimes be about avoiding pain rather than building connection. You might notice thoughts like:
“I just need to feel wanted again.”
“If I stay busy, I won’t feel this as much.”
“Maybe the next person will be better.”
These responses are human. They’re also signals that something inside you needs care, not distraction.
Healing requires space. Space to understand what happened, what you felt, and what you need moving forward.
The Power of Your Own Lily Pad
Sitting on your own lily pad means choosing yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means allowing stillness to be part of your healing process rather than something to escape.
Here are some ways to begin:
1. Return to Solo Hobbies
Reconnect with activities that are yours and yours alone.
Reading, journaling, painting
Dancing around your living room
Exploring new places in your city
Trying something you’ve always put off
These moments help you rebuild your identity outside of a relationship.
2. Lean on Your Support System
Healing doesn’t mean isolating yourself.
Call a trusted friend
Spend time with family
Join a support group or community space
Let people remind you who you are when you forget.
3. Process, Don’t Suppress
Avoiding your emotions can prolong the healing process.
Journal your thoughts without judgment
Reflect on patterns and lessons
Consider working with a therapist
There’s no timeline for grief—but there is value in moving through it intentionally.
4. Rebuild Self-Trust
Breakups can shake your confidence.
Keep small promises to yourself
Set boundaries and honor them
Practice self-compassion when things feel hard
Trust is rebuilt through consistency, especially with yourself.
Healing in ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) Breakups
Breakups within ENM structures can bring unique layers of complexity. You might still be connected through shared partners, communities, or overlapping emotional bonds.
Here are some intentional ways to navigate that:
1. Clarify Boundaries
Decide what you need in order to heal.
Do you need space from a shared partner dynamic?
Are you comfortable with updates about your ex?
What level of contact (if any) feels safe?
Communicate these clearly and revisit them as needed.
2. Resist Comparison
It can be especially difficult not to compare yourself to metamours or other partners.
Your worth is not measured by someone else’s connection
Each relationship is unique and not interchangeable
Ground yourself in your own value, independent of others.
3. Stay Connected—Intentionally
If you have other partners, check in with yourself about capacity.
Are you showing up fully, or are you emotionally depleted?
Do you need to slow things down rather than end them?
Healing doesn’t always mean withdrawing, but it does mean being honest about what you can give.
4. Tend to Community Dynamics
ENM often involves shared social spaces.
Take breaks from environments that feel triggering
Seek out neutral or affirming spaces
Give yourself permission to step back without explanation
Your healing comes first.
5. Honor the Relationship
Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean it didn’t matter.
Acknowledge what it gave you
Grieve what you lost
Carry forward what you learned
Closure doesn’t require disconnection—it requires intention.
You Don’t Have to Jump Right Now
There is no prize for moving on the fastest. There is no reward for skipping your own healing.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is stay—right where you are—on your own lily pad.
Rest.
Reflect.
Reconnect.
When you do choose to jump again, it won’t be out of urgency or avoidance. It will be from a place of clarity, wholeness, and intention.
And that kind of leap?
It lands differently.
